i permit you to call me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
