im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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