I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
