he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
