Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
