I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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