OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
