I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
