I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
