she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
