he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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