I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
