i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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