yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
