I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
