you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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