I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
