whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
