so that wasnt chicken after all
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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