I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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