You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just blew my weed a kiss
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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