he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
