dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
