Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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