I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
