so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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