Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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