whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this boner is exhausting
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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