Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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