Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
NoShamevember. You game?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
