who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
