Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pants are for mortals
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
