I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
True college students do jello shots in the library
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