He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
