I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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