I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
