cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
