last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need moral support for this bender
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
