white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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