Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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