look no pants
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
