I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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