Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
