I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
