in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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