Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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