my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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