meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize