I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
