Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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