i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Farmville is her only friend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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