I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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