you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
