My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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