You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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