Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
