hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
