my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
