What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
