my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
