there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
