my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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