I'm really into asian looking animals
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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