i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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