Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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