But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
