Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
