note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize