Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
