The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
