There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
