You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
