He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
