i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
