Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
