What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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