Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
