I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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